we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He shit in the fireplace
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
