I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
