If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
