I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
