Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I skipped work to stalk him.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
