she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
