just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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