One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize