dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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