If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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