Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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