Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
