i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize