hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
