She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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