What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
