Four minutes until I can fart!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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