I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
