ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
