I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
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