I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
