how can u be prego again
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
