your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
