turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
