weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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