3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
