I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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