My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
