so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's official drugs can't kill me
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
