i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
