Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Who died my cat blue again?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
