you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my sisters under your porch take her home
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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