WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
