Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Randomize
