I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
