Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
