She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
