She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize