Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
