meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
