what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
