Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
