Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
