I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize