Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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