i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
