I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
