Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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