i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I am available for nakedness
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
