He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Randomize
