I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
