is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm both gender and math confused
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
