bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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