i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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