I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
