That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize