its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
