Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
They have beer where we have blood.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
