i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
