ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
