When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How does one acquire holy water?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize