Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
