if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
