He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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