Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
