did you get engaged???
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
