Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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