Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize