did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
