My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
