I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
