I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We're like a lot better than the average bears
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
