I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
