Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
