I showed him my bush... on skype.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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