ya dads aren't the best wingmen
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
