The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
