The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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