I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
