You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
