Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm like, not good at living.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
