Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So many bounce houses so little time
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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