I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
