He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize
