wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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