I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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