Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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