How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
