life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
