I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
