they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
