Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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