have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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