My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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